this past month I feel so lost and so nervous.. start from american Christmas, then room hunting, then New Years eve and celebration.. which was nothing special.. I spent it in a bar with gay friends..
New Year in New York must be magical!!
but all I was doing is working, didn't see any magic in the city.. Christmas Tree in downtown looks like bunch of sparkling lights..
well, maybe its just my mood..with all this moving. you know.. people here surprising me every day..
both sides from - good and bad.
i also deleted all my movies and all my new New York pictures - don't know how. don't ask me.
movies I recovered - pictures not yet.
I feel like here is the place of many possibilities but not mine.
there is NO place for mine.
I think I realized which road I wanna go way too late.. in my 30-es
now I want family, babies and house. I want my own business and travelling.
and to have HOME
this is became my main problem.. i am lost without home
homeless
I am packing today to move to new apartment
and i HATE packing. it takes all my emotions, feelings and thoughts.
you can not travel and trying to have your own "home" with you at all times.
I mean - its impossible, girl.. WHAT THE HELL you expect..
New Year in New York must be magical!!
but all I was doing is working, didn't see any magic in the city.. Christmas Tree in downtown looks like bunch of sparkling lights..
well, maybe its just my mood..with all this moving. you know.. people here surprising me every day..
both sides from - good and bad.
i also deleted all my movies and all my new New York pictures - don't know how. don't ask me.
movies I recovered - pictures not yet.
I feel like here is the place of many possibilities but not mine.
there is NO place for mine.
I think I realized which road I wanna go way too late.. in my 30-es
now I want family, babies and house. I want my own business and travelling.
and to have HOME
homeless
I am packing today to move to new apartment
and i HATE packing. it takes all my emotions, feelings and thoughts.
you can not travel and trying to have your own "home" with you at all times.
I mean - its impossible, girl.. WHAT THE HELL you expect..
don't let them full u, photographs are from summer
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это называется депрессия эмигранта. я тоже уже давно нигде не чувствую себя по-настоящему как дома. здесь еще чужая, дома уже чужая. но это проходит, и оказывается с этим можно жить, просто нужно пережить этот сложный период, чего я тебе и желаю.
ReplyDeleteа фото чудесные, особенно чб)
спасибо)
Deleteкак ты себя в Лондоне ощущаешь? уже привыкла? ты уже поездила.. то туда, то сюда)
Кто там привык) но уже не так болезненно даётся разлука с родными, опыт есть, умею блокировать эмоции))
ReplyDeleteя уже давно их блокирую и это пугает. иногда кажется, я уже сама не знаю, где мне хорошо, а где нет. просто никак)))
Deleteхочется жить и быть уверенным в завтрашнем дне. но видно в жизни вообще так редко бывает..